In the dark

I don't like to lie in bed in the dark when I can't sleep. It's too gloomy. Depressing. Even though I really don't have any reason to be depressed, it just makes me sad. It reminds me of the many nights I spent in my father's house in the mountain - cold, dark and the impending gloom of having to take a bath in frigid cold springwater in the morning. Oh, the spring is a couple of miles away from the house on slippery and muddy roads. And a walk down the steep side of the mountain.

When I sit in the dark at night, I ask myself: What would really make me happy right now? Most of the time, I tell myself: I'm happy. I just don't know it. But there are times when I have more tangible answers to what would make me happy: a steaming mug of hot chocolate, a movie, a new pair of shoes, a new Wii game cartridge... I bought so many things that I thought would make me happy.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens aren't working for my newfound gloom. Aha! A chocolate bar! THAT's what I want...

Now that I'm lucid again, all I really want is a trip back to the Philippines. I haven't been home in almost a year. I know there are people who don't go back for years, and I have no idea how they can stand it. In the meantime, I'll enjoy life with my new baby... and keep a nice stash of chocolate.