Midnight Thoughts

Its midnight.

And I feel dread that I have not felt since that day in April when I left the Philippines. The same dread I felt when I graduated from school. It's that weird feeling sitting in the bottom of my stomach.

I remember the first time I felt this way. I was ten and my grandmother just taught me embroidery. She gave me two needles - the regular kind, which we got from the sari-sari store at the corner. I lost one of them, and I felt so terrible. It was a weird sense of loss. I always wondered what my lost needle was feeling. It was probably lonely somewhere.

There's a big possibility that I will lose the constant company of another set of great friends. The fact that there is nothing I can do to prevent this from happening is very frustrating. I probably will no longer get to have lunch with them everyday, joke with them, learn from them. Like my closest friends my gradeschool - we don't get to stay in touch as often as we like. And that's soooo sad.

Here I am sitting in my living room, listening to sad sappy music and blogging. Haaay... Kung pwede pa lang mausab ang panahon. Wala nay chance. Makahilak tag popcorn ani ba. Ngano man jud nga lisud man jud ning kinabuhi? Unya inig kahuman, mangamatay pa jud tang tanan! Pastilan baya ani uy... Booohooohoooo.....

I wish this was just PMS blues - it least I could take painkillers and chocolate bars to take away the pain.